Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
