I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
