She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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