Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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