I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
