Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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