You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
