And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
