You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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