i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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