Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
