I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
