I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
