Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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