Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
