I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
