Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

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(619): View more from California

you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top

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(702): View more from Nevada

So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.

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(407): View more from Florida

you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.

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(512): View more from Texas

i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.

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(949): View more from California

The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.

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