i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
