why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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