I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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