so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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