i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
