Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
