Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This baby is an asshole
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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