Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
