I want to stick my p in your. b.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
