Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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