I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
