His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
