It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
