You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
