i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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