Your mouth is God's brothel.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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