drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
