you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
