When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
