O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
