I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Text me some of your sweat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize