So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
