Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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