am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
