You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize