You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
