Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dignity is for republicans.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
