Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
