): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
