On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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