I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
they need to just BURY HIM!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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