So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
