apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
