please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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