Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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