omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
