I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
