The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize