i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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