im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hope mine doesn't look like that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
