I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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