God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
