we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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