i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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