You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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