There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
