Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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