plz talk dirty to me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
