so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
