So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
