Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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