I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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