I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
