Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
