i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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