Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
