don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
