i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it hurts more in the daytime
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
