I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Even my vagina gasped.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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