I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
