It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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