Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
