there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
