fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
