HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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