Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
