I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
