i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
