I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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