So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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