you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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