SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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