I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
