Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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