just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
