He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize