Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
