the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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