i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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