i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
