I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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