Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize