you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
