what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
