Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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