Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
