At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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