Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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