have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
