my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
