the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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