No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
